I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America,
and to the states of Maine, Connecticut, and Texas,
where I was born,
and I pledge allegiance to the system
which made my family so very rich,
and gave us that swell house in Kennebunkport
with that just terrific view.
And I pledge allegiance (because I so so love to pledge allegiance)
to voodoo economics, or pretty much any economics, really,
which will help me get elected.
And I pledge allegiance, now and forever, to my insatiable ambition
(or is it class destiny?) and
to that timeworn demogoguery--30 million jobs worth-- which has never failed
to delude the masses throughout history,
those primitive tribal instincts, that chanting jingoism
we find so curious at Phillips Exeter and Yale.
And I pledge allegiance, damn it, to boat moccasins and LL Bean,
and to the country where, golly gee,
just an average rich guy like me
could grow up and become the director of the CIA,
which helped me meet fine people liked Gen. Noriega and Marcos,
who understand the free enterprise thing,
and which allowed me to pay allegiance every day
to covert action, everywhere illegal, under God,
which brings me to God (God bless 'im) who I also pledge allegiance to,
because he put Latin America so close to us,
which made it easier to invade places like
Nicaragua and Grenada, which helps me feel, gosh, like
I'm not a wimp, and that we have a great country here,
under the same God I mentioned above, with liberty and justice for all.
Amen and ad nauseum.